Monday, June 4, 2007

What You Think of Me Is None of My Business!

How often do you hold your tongue and not speak the truth of what you are thinking?

What do you love doing that you haven't done in a long time?

Does your creativity get shoved into the box of what you think will please others?

If so, you may be letting your fear of criticism rule your life. This is one of the key sources of struggle people face. It is easy to try to please everyone all the time.

We tend to moderate our words, our actions, and look over our shoulder to see who's watching. Actually pleasing everyone all the time is actually a losing battle!

When we're caught up with what we're supposed to do we tend to stifle our energy and enthusiasm for whatever project we're pursuing. When we trust our actions and choices, we see that everything gets easier and we're in the flow of the work. There is more consistent energy. Our energy is not bolstered when others applaud us and deflated when others have a negative reaction to what we've said or done.

This is contrary to how many of us were raised. We were supposed to listen to how things were to be done and do our best to copy that. There was a right and wrong way for every project to be completed. Rarely were our personality styles considered as to what method would work best for us to approach any situation.

Terry Cole-Whitaker wrote the book titled, What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business. I remember when I first heard this title. Over the years it has come to mean more to me as I've realized the peace that can come from letting go of need for love and approval for everything I do.

Is this selfish to put our OWN approval above others' approval? This may have been the message of our childhood. When we have healthy self-love we are able to be comfortable with what we are doing and are able to accept that others may have their own way to complete a task as well. Our self-care is essential for us to be a fully engaged individual in any situation, whether it is a personal relationship or a business project.


It first takes the decision that you are going to live life for yourself. This isn't to say you are not being considerate of others. On the contrary, you will value and respect them more than ever.

Then make a conscious effort to speak the truth, no matter what. How often to we filter our words carefully to avoid offending anyone? This only makes connecting more difficult and awkward. It is really pretty obvious when a person is not being authentic. You are not doing anyone a favor by not being real.

This process will not happen in just a few leaps and bounds. Small steps are the most effective way to make any change. You have to be comfortable with what you are doing to have this be a smooth process.

Give yourself a moment before speaking to check how authentically you are about to respond. Speaking the truth does not mean that you have to fully disclose all of your thoughts. That isn't necessary. Healthy boundaries for your privacy are appropriate.
And, realize that some people in your life may not be comfortable with your honesty. They are probably not people who are adding positive energy to you anyway.

How would your life be different if you were living congruently with your ideas and values?
How would your relationships be enriched by being all of who you are?
How would your productivity be affected?

What would it mean to your bottom line to be more aware of yourself and how you relate to others?
Developing your communication skills by working with a coach can be very effective in creasing your productivity. Check out the resources and services offered by Suzanne Holman, MAEd, Exuberant Productivity Coach, found at

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