We Can Work It Out...the Beatles

As part of a series of messages given by Richard Maraj, our minister at Unity of Phoenix,"We Can Work It Out" was the topic on Sunday. I loved this study on an old favorite song... and it got me to thinking about the present, the past, and the future.


Yes, we CAN work it out, but it is not always in the way we would choose.
We can set our sights on what we want to avoid...and what we feel we much have..

When we have Alzheimer's in the family and see our parent slipping away from the person we knew them to be, it's hard to see the good in that. And I have to admit, it's been difficult for me. Alzheimer's support is important for anyone whose parent is diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

What I have experienced the last four years is a review of my life with my mom - the good, the bad, and the "ugly" as they say...

I've thought about things I wasn't all that happy about with our relationship and have been able to let them go... I see Mom now in a very different way...not in the mom role anymore....and it allows me to accept her as just a human being. All that I experienced with her was just my mom doing the best that she could with what she knew at the time and with her own life experiences.

And what I really love is the rich appreciation I'm feeling for all that has been amazing about my Mom. Remembering how she was so up on what was going on...
Seeing myself back at those great holiday celebrations that we always had...special birthday parties, festive Christmas and New Year's celebrations.

Mom always created wonderful food and a beautiful home....

It's given me a rich, positive position about my childhood.

Often we affirm the negative, project the worst, and narrow our focus to fear...
"If this doesn't happen...I'll never be happy again!"

We can not control what results may happen in our life.
Sometimes what comes about is better than we ever expected...
And sometimes we see things happening that seem so wrong and later turn out to have a very positive result.

What we do have the power to do is create our own inner environment.

Unlike indigenous plants that can thrive only in their native environment, we are instead endogenous...meaning that we grow from within and can thrive anywhere.
When we remember that, it's easier to move forward and see the positive around us.

As the Beatles sang it all so wisely:

Life is very short and there's no time for fussy and fighting....

Take time to be grateful...
Take time to receive...
Take time to love...

In the moment with Mom...

Mom felt cold....My warm skin felt good to her. Time to get her out in the sunshine.

Mom has always loved to be outside. Gardening, golfing, walking.

Lying in her bed in the Alzheimer's section of the Life Care Center where she lives is not where she would have ever expected to be.

When Mom saw her friends and even her sister withering away from the ravages of Alzheimer's, she would say, "Don't ever let me be like that!"

So today was a day to take a "walk" in the sun. After inquiring about the location of the wheel chair Hospice provided for her so that I could take her on walks and no one being able to locate it, they found a chair we could borrow and we headed outside... a bit of a project to get Mom up, shoes on, and maneuvered into the wheel chair. Most of the time Mom is able to use a walker for the very short distance from her room to the dining room. She does needs help getting up and started walking.

Mom still enjoys the beauty of the roses....Not sure just how clearly she can see them. Her macular degeneration has robbed her of good vision. Maybe it's just the color....I had her touch the petals...soft and smooth.

I love that Mom is still happy to see me. She doesn't say much any more...and some days she says nothing during the entire visit. With Alzheimer's, communication skills decline more and more.

I am grateful that she still does appreciate that I am there for her.

Yes, I cherish being in the moment with Mom...loving the beauty of roses.

What can we do to safely stay in our homes until we take our last breath?

Kim Kirmmse Toth and Cynthia Leibrock http://www.positiveaginginc.com offers a quality
program every week in her Tuesday Teleseries.

Tuesday, 4/21, at 4:00 pm Eastern time her guest speaker is Cynthia Leibrock.
The topic will be Aging in Place, how and what we can do to safely stay in our homes until we take our last breath. Cynthia had a great spread in the New York Times about this very topic. Check out her website at http://www.agingbeautifully.org. This is not a call to be missed!

If you know anyone who has a desire to stay in their home and is unsure how to do so, please send them to http://www.positiveaginginc.com/kimstuesdayteleseries.html to sign up for her free Teleseries.

How are you handling your aging parent?

In the years of watching my parents go through the various phases of aging, I have had as many or more challenges as I had with three children under three!

As I talk with other Boomer women, I am hearing over and over the stress they are feeling as they try to support their parents in various ways.

I am currently doing research with many people with aging parents to see what they are experiencing. If this applies to you, how are you keeping up with your work? What are you doing to take care of yourself?

I would love to talk with you sometime if you are in this situation. And if you know someone else experiencing parent stress, please let them know I would be interested in connecting.